A rant on the state of the nation by Hamilton Strange III

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Yes folks, the month ends on a weekday so it’s obviously time for another herd of vacuous morons to be ferried into the Big Brother house again. If you ask me, even if you don’t ask, this is the answer to many a medical researchers’ dreams, instead of experimenting on animals, why don’t we give the rabbits and rats a break and use the services of these hapless wannabes instead. It would seem that they’re willing to do pretty much anything to get their slack jawed faces into our living rooms, so why not as the subjects of medical experiments which can be of benefit to mankind?

Within weeks of leaving the house they will be forgotten. By becoming a test subject and perhaps being instrumental in the search for the cure to some fatal condition they would ensure that Hello magazine would print their pictures until at least Christmas.

I wonder how stupid or desperate you have to be to want to spend 13 weeks, or even one, trapped inside a house with a gang of other sackless bastards with the British viewing public watching your every move. Like all those talentless muppets who sign up for X-Factor or Pop Idol, with dreams of being famous, these chinless wonders will spend the next 3 months trying to become the next big thing in the tabloids.

What happened to becoming famous for actually achieving something or having talent? And with that I’m off to touch myself furiously in a cupboard. Here’s one in the eye for the Big Brother squad!