07/06/2007 by forteantims.

We thought you, the viewing loons, would appreciate something a little more Father Ted than most news in the world. If only the 6 o’clock news was more like this.

Garda accused of stealing biros from shop

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30/05/2007 by forteantims.

If medical research was more advanced, we wouldn’t have god-errors like Statler walking this earth. If someone has a large stash of amphetamines so that I can capture this rancid cretin I would be most grateful.

Of course most of you idiots will be too busy idolizing self indulgent tossers like him to care. Perhaps Darwin was wrong, maybe the stupid and weak can swamp the stronger of the species by simply outnumbering them.

Hamilton Strange III

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30/05/2007 by forteantims.

As someone who has been on Big Brother (USA Season 2) I can tell you that I am far from a lab rat. As someone who has been through the drama school system this is an opportunity for me to show the world what I can do. I haven’t trained all these years in singing, dancing, acting, walking correctly and interview techniques for nothing. I have a gift that the world needs to see. If it wasn’t for people like me, people like you would have nothing to talk about on your factory tea breaks. Big Brother is an opportunity for someones such as myself to make it. Do you know how many talentless people there are in the world turning up for Broadway auditions, those of us with REAL talent have to get past all of these motherfuckers and then all the people who have been corectlt trained to be famous, just to make ends meet. It irritates the hell out of me that you little people don’t recognise how hard it is far us to bring our art to the world, to really shine.

I’ve been involved in this industry for years would you have stopped me from being in the Mickey Mouse Club too?!!!!

I was born to entertain, if you ain’t in showbusiness you fucking moron then get your foot of my fucking stage!

I am currently appearing in Jason Statlers New York Ding Dong on FUCKING BROADWAY while you are probably digging fluff out of your navel, eating donuts, wondering why no one notices you and selling your ass on the streets of Milwaulkee. There are winners and losers in this world I’m a big glitzy winner and you sir, are a first class loser!

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30/05/2007 by forteantims.

A rant on the state of the nation by Hamilton Strange III

Yes folks, the month ends on a weekday so it’s obviously time for another herd of vacuous morons to be ferried into the Big Brother house again. If you ask me, even if you don’t ask, this is the answer to many a medical researchers’ dreams, instead of experimenting on animals, why don’t we give the rabbits and rats a break and use the services of these hapless wannabes instead. It would seem that they’re willing to do pretty much anything to get their slack jawed faces into our living rooms, so why not as the subjects of medical experiments which can be of benefit to mankind?

Within weeks of leaving the house they will be forgotten. By becoming a test subject and perhaps being instrumental in the search for the cure to some fatal condition they would ensure that Hello magazine would print their pictures until at least Christmas.

I wonder how stupid or desperate you have to be to want to spend 13 weeks, or even one, trapped inside a house with a gang of other sackless bastards with the British viewing public watching your every move. Like all those talentless muppets who sign up for X-Factor or Pop Idol, with dreams of being famous, these chinless wonders will spend the next 3 months trying to become the next big thing in the tabloids.

What happened to becoming famous for actually achieving something or having talent? And with that I’m off to touch myself furiously in a cupboard. Here’s one in the eye for the Big Brother squad!

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